I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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