Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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