Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
