C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
