what day is it and did you see me today?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
