He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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