Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Farmville is her only friend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
