I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
