Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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