Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
