If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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