My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I look better un-naked...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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