He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
