Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
