Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
