I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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