At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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