Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
