I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
