CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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