yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
