Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
