Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
