you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
