id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
