Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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