is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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