If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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