Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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