I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
