My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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