I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
