after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Floor bacon is actually really good
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
