O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
