captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
