new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
