Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
