I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
