this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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