You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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