Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
