Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
