I looked at my own cervix.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
