I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
