"it" just moved
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
