I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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