and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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