you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Come see our sink grown plant.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
