she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
