I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
