If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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