I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
