hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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