as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
