I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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