yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
