She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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