it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
