I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
