guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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