I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
